5  黎明前的北京 季羡林 前后加起来{暗指居住时间并不连续}，我在北京已经住了四十多年，算是一个老北京了。北京的名胜古迹，北京的妙处，我应该说是了解的；其他老北京当然也了解。但是有一点，我相信绝大多数的老北京并不了解，这就是黎明时分以前的北京。 多少年来，我养成了一个习惯：每天早晨四点在黎明以前起床工作。我不出去跑步或散步，而是一下床就干活儿。因此我对黎明前的北京的了解{= 体味；感知}是在屋子里感觉到的。我从前在什么报上读过一篇文章，讲黎明时分天安门广场上的清洁工人（street cleaners）。那情景必然是非常动人的，可惜我从未能见到，只是心向往之而已。 四十年前，我住在城里在明朝曾经是特务机关的东厂[1]（Dongchang, a compound）里面。几座深深的大院子（courtyards），在最里面三个院子里只住着我一个人。朋友们都说这地方阴森可怕，晚上很少有人敢来找我，我则怡然自得。每当夏夜{注意篇章衔接：前面作者说自己凌晨四点起床，此处也是指那个时间，故不要把“夜”译得太字面（in summer nights”）}，我起床以后，立刻就闻到院子里那些高大的马缨花树（合欢，学名：Albizzia julibrissin别名：夜合树，科属：豆科合欢属，silk trees）散发出来的阵阵幽香，这些香气破窗而入，我于此时神清气爽，乐不可支，连手中那一支笨拙的笔也仿佛生了花。 （《中国翻译》上的一篇练习。）

Predawn Beijing Ji Xianlin I’ve been in Beijing altogether for over 40 years. So I can well call myself an old-timer [ one whose experience goes back to old times; one of long standing in a place or position; an old-fashioned person or thing (orig. U.S.) (OED)] long-timer [= long-termer, a person who is serving a long prison-sentence (OED)] of Beijing. Like all other longold-timers of the city, I’m supposed to be very familiar with its scenic spots and historical sites, nay [You use nay in front of a stronger word or phrase which you feel is more correct than the one you have just used and helps to emphasize the point you are making. (FORMAL) (CB4)], its superb attractions. But I believe there is one thing lying unknown to most of the long-time residents — the predawn hours of Beijing. For many years, I have been in the habit <For many years I have kept a habit of> {注意意义与搭配：前面是“For many years”，后面就要用表示状态的“in the habit of”；若要用表示动作的“to form/develop”时间状语就要用“many years ago”或“(I have) long since (formed/developed)…”等} of getting up before daybreak to start work at four. Instead of going out for a jog [a slow steady trot (AHD)] or walk, I’ll set about my work as soon as I’m out of bed. So I got my knowledge of Beijing before dawn from my feeling in the house {由“情”生“知”，不合情理。} / My understanding to Beijing before dawn is in the house / I understand Beijing before dawn from my room. / My interpretation of predawn Beijing was formed indoors. As a result, it is from inside my study that I’ve got the feel [The feel of sth. is the general impression that it gives you: The room has a warm, cosy feel. (CB4)] of predawn Beijing. <Therefore I got to know the predawn Beijing in my house. / Therefore what I know about Beijing before dawn came form what I felt inside my house> Years ago, I chanced upon [to find something or meet someone when you are not expecting to (LDoCE4)] hit upon [to think of a solution to a problem (EDT)] a newspaper article about <which reported> street cleaners in Tian’anmen Square at daybreak. It must have been a very moving <impressive/inviting> scene, but what a pity I haven’t seen it with my own eyes. I’m just looking forward to it/see {seeing} it. {RM inaccurate} I can only picture it in my mind longingly. {Specification} <Charmed as I was, I’ve never seen it [the scene] with my own eyes.> Forty years ago, I lived in the secret service named Dongchang of the Ming Dynasty {我不是住在特务机关里，而是住在特务机关的原址里} lived downtown in Eastern Depot / East factory which was a secret service in {the} Ming Dynasty / a secret police setup / the spy agency / a compound which used to be Dongchang, a secret agent in {the} Ming Dynasty Dongchang, a compound which had housed {注意过去完成时态的用法及动词的选择；如果译成“which used to be the Secret Service of …”逻辑上就会有问题，读者可能追问：compound怎么会是service?} the secret service of the Ming Dynasty. There were inside it several deep spacious courtyards one leading into another {Amplification} of“深深”}. I was the sole dweller of the three innermost courtyards. My friends, calling this place too ghastly [making you very frightened, upset, or shocked (LDoCE4)], seldom dared to come to see me at night {evening是指下午6点到晚上10点前，一般指晚上就寝之前这段时间, 到了睡觉的时候便从evening转为night} in the evening whereas I was happy and pleased with myself. myself found it quite content agreeable [written or old-fashioned pleasant (LDoCE4)] <desirable>. Every summer night/ Every summer dawn In summer, the moment I got out of bed before daybreak, I would smell gusts of /fits of/gales of the delicate fragrance of the giant rhododendron trees / lantana trees {马缨丹，别名：七变花. These are shrubs, not trees.} silk trees [Asian tree with pink flowers: an Asian tree of the mimosa family that is widely cultivated for its showy pink flowers with silky filaments. Latin name: Albizia julibrissin Also called mimosa (EDT)] coming from outside my window <, whiffs of faint fragrance from those tall silk tress would flow into my room / drift into my nose / With the fragrance spreading into my room through the window, …>. Thereupon {注意连接词的使用 immediately after something else has happened, and usually as a result of it; then (LDoCE4)}, I would feel glowing refreshed and overjoyed joyful, and Even the clumsy pen in my hand turned to be well-written. / …even my slow pen seemed to produce ingenious writing with exquisite description. / …even it seemed as if the clumsy pen in my hand had borne flowers / …even the clumsy pen in my hand seemed so beautiful as if it had blossomed out of flowers the gauche {often refers to social behavior} clumsy pen in my hand would seem to have become as agile as it could. {Paraphrase；Li Bai once dreamed that his writing brush bloomed/blossomed.} <even the clumsy pen in my hand seemed to become a gifted one / even the clumsy pen in my hand seemed to have a delicate touch. / with the pen in my hand seeming to be empowered with some kind of magic power / Even the once clumsy pen in my hand would seem to become smart and inspired. / Under the mysterious spell of the fragrance, beautiful sentences and well-turned phrases flowed from the tip of my pen.> Prof. Zhang Peiji, Trans.（249字，50分钟）

Diction: Wrong word/phrase

          I would feel gusts of faint fragrance of the high silk trees. [a sudden strong movement of wind, air, rain etc: Gusts of up to 200 kph may be experienced. (LDoCE4)]

Morphology: Participle present or past?

          Even the clumsy pen in my hand turned to be well-written. [How can a pen be well-written?]

Morphology: Wrong mood or modal auxiliary verb

          Even the awkward pen in my hand seemed to become gifted {几乎所有同学均未看出此处应用虚拟语气形式 (even the clumsy pen in my hand) would seem来表示过去时间里惯常发生的事情}

          It seemed that even the clumsy pen in my hand was gifted {had been gifted} the ability to automatically produce gorgeous works.

Semantics: Reference of the noun phrase definite or indefinite? / Use definite article or indefinite article?

Beijing before the Dawn {Cf. the time when something began or first appeared: the dawn of the information age // People have been falling in love since the dawn of time. (LDoCE4)}

Source text analysis: Misunderstanding of the original

          … Few people dared to visit me at night. This made me feel comfortable and relaxed. {It is not because few people dared to visit me in the evening that I feel comfortable and relaxed}

          Even the clumsy pen in my hand seemed so beautiful as if it had blossomed out of flowers.

          However, I have never been able to see it, which has made me look forward to it.

Spelling: Wrong spelling

          … every morining {morning}…

          … Tian An Men Square {Tian’anmen Square}

          … Tianmen Square…

          … the faint fragrance form {from} the big rhododendra {rhododendron 杜鹃花} trees…

Syntax: Article missing

          I lived in {the} city…

in {the} Ming Dynasty

Syntax: Run-on sentence

          The fragrance came through the windows, made me refreshed and delighted, even my clumsy writing skills seemed improved.

          I haven’t seen it, thus can only yearn toward it.

          My friends said that it was ghastly and bloodcurdling thus few dared come to me at night.

Target text generating: Misleading translation

          Thus, my understanding to Beijing before dawn is in the house.

Target text generating: over-translation

          I get down to working the minute I roll out of bed.

          The smell waved through the window.

Target text generating: Pragmatic Meaning (PM) mistranslated - wrong associative/expressive meaning

…the delicate fragrance of the giant silk trees breaking in [negative, to enter a building by force] out of my window.

          I could immediately smell whiffs of faint fragrance coming through the window reeked from {Wrong PM & collo.} those tall silk trees. [[intransitive] to have a strong bad smell. ￚsynonym stink. This room absolutely reeks. reek of: He reeked of  weat. (LDoCE4)]

Punctuation: Wrong punctuation

  I never jog or stroll after getting up, {;} instead, I go to work directly.

Usage: Wrong collocation

to yearn toward it

  For many years I have formed/cultivated a habit of {I have been in the habit of} getting up to work at four…

  …that my clumsy pen in my hand had become brilliant for writing.

  But I felt quite agreeable living there. [“Agreeable” is mainly used to modify things.]

Usage: Wrong preposition

  …I get off {out of} my bed

  I have acquired comprehensions about Beijing before dawn in {at} home

  Therefore my understanding towards predawn Beijing is developed within my room. [If you are understanding towards someone, you are kind and forgiving. = sympathetic (CB4)]

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[1] 厂卫：明朝内廷的侦察机构。厂，指东厂、西厂、内行厂；卫，指锦衣卫。合称厂卫。东厂系永乐十八年(1420)设立于北京东安门北；西厂系成化十三年(1477)设于旧灰厂；内行厂系正德初年设于荣府旧仓地；锦衣卫原为内廷亲军，皇帝的卫队,洪武十五年(1382)成立。厂卫,是明代特务政治的工具，是皇帝的耳目和爪牙。有明一代，一直存在。 (SCD1)