ANNOTATION TRANSLATION (TRANSLATION WITH COMMENTARY): A SAMPLE

Ke Ping

Environmental Law

       [1] As recently as the early 1960s, the phrase “environmental law” would probably have produced little more than a puzzled look, even from [2] many lawyers. Such issues as clean air, pure water and freedom from noise pollution [3] were not important public concerns. There were, of course, numerous state laws and some federal laws intended to protect America’s rivers and streams from excessive industrial pollution and to guard wildlife from the depredations [The depredations of a person, animal, or force are their harmful actions, which usually involve taking or damaging something. (FORMAL): Much of the region's environmental depredation is a result of poor planning. (CB4) // plural: RAVAGES <trying to ease the depredations of the disease> (W3)] of man. [4] But these regulations were generally ignored. With enforcement [= law enforcement (the job of making sure that the law is obeyed) (LDoCE4)] power dispersed among many federal, state and local agencies, [5] most of which were seriously undermanned, and with [6] noncompliance penalties so slight as to have little more than [7] harassment [Harassment is behaviour which is intended to trouble or annoy someone, for example repeated attacks on them or attempts to cause them problems. (CB4)] value, there were few incentives to obey the laws. Indeed, many environmental statutes [a law passed by a parliament, council etc and formally written down: Protection for the consumer is laid down by statute (=established by law) (LDoCE4)] were so little publicized and so vaguely worded that their existence was hardly known and their meaning was scarcely understood.

       Then, in 1962, came a book called Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. A powerful indictment [1. (bill of) indictment (a formal document written for a prosecuting attorney charging a person with some offense) 2. an accusation of wrongdoing; “the book is an indictment of modern philosophy” (WN2.1)] of America’s disregard of ecology, Silent Spring was aimed chiefly at the wholesale use of chemical pesticides, especially DDT. In 1965 a court action took place that ranks in environmental importance with the publication of Silent Spring. That was the reversal by a court of appeals of a Federal Power Commission decision [8] to grant a license for a Consolidated Edison power plant at Storm King Mountain on the Hudson River in New York. The court ordered new proceedings [Legal proceedings are legal action taken against someone. (FORMAL): The Council had brought proceedings to stop the store from trading on Sundays. (CB4)] [9] that were to “include as a basic concern the preservation of natural beauty and of national historic shrines [a place that people visit and respect because it is connected with a famous person or event: Elvis's home has become a shrine for his fans. (LDoCE4)].”

环境保护法

       [1] 往近里说，直到二十世纪六十年代初，{as recently as 强调与本文写作时间相隔很近，而非很远，故不可译成“早在六十年代初”。“近至……年代”的说法非中文所习用，故译成“近至二十世纪六十年代”也不妥，因为意思费解。} [2] 就连许多律师 {英文常以指称抽象事物的词语做主语，中文则较多以指称具体事物的词语为主语。此句中原文以较抽象的 environmental law 做主语。译文如仿原文语序以此为主语，将even from many lawyers留在句末，原句内容将很难在句中安排自然。选择比较具体的 many lawyers 做主语，这个问题很容易就解决了。} 碰到“环保法”这个词儿，也大都只会露出困惑不解的神情。[3] 当时，{原文动词所用的过去时态表明这里说的是过去的情况。译文用词汇手段（副词“当时”）传递了英文用语法手段（动词be的过去时变位）表达的言内意义和指称意义（原句所述事件的的时间背景）。} 像空气清新、水质洁净、无噪声污染等，都不是公众们十分关心的问题。当然，已经有了意在保护美国的江河免受过分的工业污染并保护野生动植物不遭人类蹂躏的许多州法和一些联邦法。[4] 可是对于这些规定，人们一般都置之不理。{被动结构在英文里的使用频率远高于中文。译者如不问青红皂白，见到英文句用被动结构就译成汉语的被动句，那么译文将偏离中文语篇规范，给人以“翻译腔”的感觉。此处原文似可译成中文主动句式：“人们一般都不理睬这些规定。”但这样译同上句的语篇接应 [cohesion] 又不太好（试读：“当然，已经有了……许多州法和一些联邦法，但是人们一般都不理睬这些规定”）。现译（“当然，已经有了……许多州法和一些联邦法，可是对于这些规定，人们一般都置之不理”）可同时避免翻译腔和语篇接应不严谨的问题。} 由于执法权分散在联邦、州和地方的许多机构 [5]（这些机构大多人手严重不足 {原句里相对次要的内容有时可放在译文的括号之中，这样既能使原文内容间的逻辑关系不致改变或丢失，又可让译文所交代的信息各部分之间层次分明。}），也由于 [6] 因违法而受到的处罚 {句子的真正意义存在于句子的底层结构 (deep structure) 之中。每当看表层结构似雾里看花、抓不住句子或句中某一成分的确切意思时，译者都必须下工夫结合上下文和语言外知识分析句子的底层结构，找到全句或句中那个成分的完整指称对象，并在译文里明示出原文表层结构里没有、但底层结构里存在、不说出来译文就不清楚的那些成分。此做法在翻译实践中被称为“上下文增益”(contextual amplification)。结合上下文仔细分析原句，我们可以找出 noncompliance penalties 一语的底层结构：penalties [imposed / handed down for] noncompliance [with state and federal environmental laws]。译文即据此底层结构译出。} 微不足道，最多只不过 [7] 让当事人感到恼火心烦而已 {harassment 一词有 trouble 和 annoy 两个意思。此处这两个意思似应都有，故一并译出。}，所以人们守法的劲头也就不大了。说真的，许多环境法的宣传工作之薄弱与措词之含糊，使人简直不知道有环境法，而环境法的意义也就几乎无人了解了。

       不久之后，在1962年，瑞切尔·卡森所著的一本名为《沉默的春天》的书问世了。该书有力地控诉了美国对生态环境的漠视。它的主要抨击对象是化学杀虫剂——特别是滴滴涕——的大规模使用。1965年发生了一件讼案，它对环境的重要意义不亚于《沉默的春天》之出版：某上诉法院推翻了联邦电力委员会 [8] 向爱迪生联合电力公司颁发在纽约哈得逊河畔的施多姆金山建造发电厂 {查参考工具（如Microsoft Encarta Reference Library上Archives条目“1971: Environment”: About six years ago the Federal Power Commission granted New York’s Consolidated Edison Company a license to construct atop Storm King a 12-billion-gallon pumped-storage reservoir to be filled with water from the Hudson River and a power plant cut into the face of the mountain to produce additional electrical energy for New York City. Conservationists never challenged the company’s asserted need for additional energy but, rather, questioned the manner in which alternatives were seemingly discarded.）可确定Edison power plant与Storm King Mountain on the Hudson River in NY的关系：后者是爱迪生公司申请建新厂的地方，而非其本部所在地。} 的许可证的决定。该法院指令重新审理此案，[9] 要求 {“that were to” 的确切意思。} 在审理中“将保护自然美和本国历史名胜纳入基本考量之中”。

 

Reference tools used in conducting this annotated translation:

 

CB4: John Sinclair (Founding Editor-in-Chief). (2003). Collins CoBuild Advanced Learner’s English Dictionary (4th ed). HarperCollinsPublishers (www.cobuild.collins.co.uk). xxiv + 1712 pp. + xxxii. [3rd edn.: Collins Cobuild 3rd Edition (CD-ROM) Sample page. Athelstan Pubns.]

LDoCE4: Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, Fourth Edition. 2003. London: Pearson Education Limited.

Microsoft Encarta Reference Library 2004 (CD-ROM).

W3: Gove, Philip Babcock. (1961). Webster's Third New International Dictionary of the English Language.

WN2.1: Princeton University Cognitive Science Laboratory (Principal Investigator: Professor George A. Miller). (2005). WordNet 2.1.

YHD: Lu, Gusun [陆谷孙] (Ed.). (1993).《英汉大词典》. 上海：上海译文. xv + 2308 pp.